>I am Ojiki. Or am I?


Ojiki, in Italy they call them Vecchio Consiglieri. An old counselor, a title of respect for a mafiosi that survived a life of HELL and is semi-retired. He advises new goons on the facts of life and acts as a grandfather sort of figure.

The Yakuza now call me that.

They went as far as proposing a honorary Ojiki tittle thus I can use a couple of drivers, slaves at anytime and have a monthly pension. As for other non-Yakuzas with this title, I only know one that died of old age that had had this honour. I can also get a pension of 2 million per year till I croak, courtesy of the syndicate in Kobe.

” I’ll think about it ” is the answer I give them EVERY year for the past four years.

In life you never know and IF I become a vegetable the young goons will come in handy to pull the plug; no way I will submit to the indignities of have to get my arse wiped or fed with a tube. My elder daughter agreed to pull the plug or be my KAISHAKU like she said. Yakkies do come handy.

Last week in Toyosu, I went to the yearly BONNENKAI at the ” library “. It’s a big warehouse not far from Kachidoki bridge. 7 or 8 rows of long tables, goodies galore with number tags on them. Rolexes, Dunhill gold lighters and lots more were auctioned fast before the Buffet started, later leading to 2010 hottest TORITATEYA tales of ” heroism, wit and horror” and finally Nationalistic, old fashion DŌ-ENKA songs from Kitajima Saburo etc. Young aspiring guys and a very few females hauled trays of food and took the empties etc away to bring in new goodies like lobster, crab and meat etc….

I wondered why these guys accept my presence ever since Paris days when I guided them and their relatives decades ago. Nice, weird tribe and they, apart from a few, never got thrown in the slammer. Just kidding or trying to. Shysters too were there. The ones that use the law to break and make tons of money. Suddenly Ishimaru and the DaiGashira from Sumiyoshi Rengo stood up and saluted me, my lack of greed, wiseness and a lot more crap I never knew I had and called everybody to salute the BUDŌ KIBA OJIKI for showing them new simple ways and non physical but mental pressure blah , blah , blah… 1oo and so rascals shouted KAMPAI and I thought I was gonna be offed afterwards. ” So be it ” I was relieved in a way.

Four hours later the party was over, some even had brought Italian sports cars and more luxury items into the “auction”. Somebody suggested a bout of Hanafuda, I bid my goodbyes and see yous around my pockets full of MEISHI with “family” crests on them. The MC in charge, Tomari, called me and put a fat envelope on my hand and a couple of open go return tickets first class to Europe by JAL vouchers. Knowing very well I would refuse politely but firmly as usual and exited.

The word OJIKI is what it means: an old, respected semi-retired, honorable Yakuza. THAT I obviously am not since no vows were ever taken. I will put the Kanji name besides mine. Not many Japanese know the meaning of Ojiki and even I doubt if I ever will anyway. Still, beats those old Takakura Ken Yakuza movies by a mile. Believe it or not.

>Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!


It was on the American Forces radio: from tomorrow a Jewish Holiday ( name I can’t remember ) will start. It seems that those of the Jewish tribe, light up Menorah with 8 burning candles by the window. The fire fighters URGE the ditto Tribe members to keep a fire extinguisher or a bucket of water near the Menorah in cases it burns the curtains or whatever is nearby the Menorahs that can catch fire easily.

Well, I got news for you Jews and fire fighters alike: We Gentiles also have easy to cause fire non-Menorah artifacts. They are called iPods, iPads, iPhones, iMacs, iPowerBooks Pro and non Pro alike all courtesy of Blow Jobs Stevies and the Chink Goonies in Silly C$%t Valley, Cupertino, Kaliphornya. Believe me iShit you not. Haul a miniature fire extinguisher or a water pet bottle since a bucket would be hard to carry even in the infamous Tokyo Metro.

Happy Holiday and Mazel Tov !!